this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
