the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
