A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
