I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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