he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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