Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
