By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
