I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
