weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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