if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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