WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
