Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
