I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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