Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
