The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
