I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
