i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
