I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
