i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
