god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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