When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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