I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
