I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
