hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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