and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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