are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I got chris browned last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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