Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
