Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
