the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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