i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
