My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have post one night stand depression
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