Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you will always have a special place in my vag
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
