I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
