I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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