i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need a beard to bite.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
