Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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