i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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