Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
