thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
