Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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