yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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