remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
