I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
