My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
