see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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