I will die if light touches me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My penis needs a shock collar
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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