so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
