Swine flu is the new snow day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
