If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
