I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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