No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
